How To Have Cross Class Dialogue, pt 1

Big Conversation is scheduled for tomorrow. He wrote this today, in response to my sending him a chunk of my last post:

I want to get out of this (specific, finite) conversation, a clearer sense of what we each want to get out of this (larger, ongoing) conversation.

Putting tools/guidelines in place sounds like a good plan. I don't think we can mandate breakthroughs.

Keep going until ... I think picking a timeframe may be useful. 2 hours? 2 1/2 hours? That will help us keep going even if it seems hard, and also help us walk away before we get into over-processing. I think class is the 2nd biggest thing that gets in the way of our friendship being as good as it could be. Age is the other thing. Maybe we should talk about both. Maybe we should talk about how they interact. Maybe we should start concrete. "A time when I noticed class happening between us was ..." "A time when I had feelings come up related to class when we were together was ..." etc. Or, "I feel confused about class when ..." "I feel annoyed about class when ..." "I feel guilty about class when ..."

So, methinks I should fill in some of those sentences ahead of time.

I feel guilty about not noticing class when you point it out. I feel confused when you ask where/how we should eat, because I don't know if you can/want to spend money that day. Sometimes, I want to offer to give you gas money. I have no idea how to do that after years of you driving me around and me not offering. I feel awkward, confused and uncertain when you ask me questions about how you should spend your money (eg donating to Jewcy). I was raised to believe so hard that "It's your money and you get to do whatever you want with it, and don't tell anyone else what you do with it or how much you have." Then, on top of that, I feel guilty that I'm having a reaction that's so clearly a piece of owning-class shit. (I do believe it's shit. I don't think money should be a secret, and I'm trying to break that silence. My parents are fucking pissed about it, and have stopped giving me information about money and our family.)