Questions to Consider: Side Effects

Resource Generation put out an excellent 100+ page zine called Classified: how to stop hiding your privilege and use it for social change (link at right). One of the things it talks about is "side effects" of class privilege. They involve things like: acting like I have no emotions (even if I'm feeling very strongly), assuming that my needs are more important than anyone else's, assuming that my comfort is the most important thing, assuming that I'm the most qualified person to lead, speak, or guide at any given point. Classified includes some questions to think about at the end of this section. Here are some of my answers.

1) Has someone ever pointed out to you that you were acting in a way you didn‘t even
realize? How did it feel?
Yes. Davey does it sometimes, and other people have too. Davey has pointed out how I avoid talking about class with him. It hurts; I get angry and scared. I imagine that he's really angry at me and won't be my friend anymore. I imagine that I'm a bad activist for avoiding uncomfortable conversations. I even once asked him if he stayed friends with me just to prove he could have friends across class and gender lines. Shit, that was defensive. He also hints that I act really entitled sometimes. I'm not as good at catching that; in fact, I'm terrible at realizing when I've said things that showed how entitled I thought I was.

2) Can you think of a time when you acted out a class privilege Side Effect?
Yes. I do the boss thing all the time. I also hog spotlights and take up a lot of space. I've become a little better about this lately, but I still use up a lot of energy reminding myself to wait and then speak. I make snap decisions on behalf of a group, and check in later. That's definitely a class thing - I assume I'm making the best decision.

3) Did you notice how it impacted other people? Describe what it was like.
Sometimes there's a kind of silence in the room, whether with one person or a whole group, and I feel an overwhelming urge to fill it with talking. Silence makes me wicked uncomfortable. Sometimes I see people picking up on that, and then they look as though they're waiting for me to speak. Sometimes I interrupt people. Some people - usually good friends - call me out when I interrupt them.

Maybe this is a big thing to take into my conversation with Davey. Stay intent on listening. Make sure you're putting as much energy into listening, really hearing, as you are into thinking about what to say.

4) How does your identity shape the way you experience the class privilege Side Effects?
Are there ways that your gender, race, ethnicity, culture, religion, sexuality, ability or
other identities shape the way you might act them out?
Oh hell yes. Being a young queer white jewish woman has a lot to do with all that. My class side effects often show themselves a lot more when I'm not in the room with any men, or any queers. It shows up mostly when I'm around people who share my particular target identities - sometimes, it's the biggest piece of privilege in the room.

5) Have you ever felt like the Side Effects were undermining a close relationship? Were
you able to talk about this with the other person? What was this like?
Yes, with Davey. A little bit of talking. Actually, a lot of talking. A lot of times it doesn't get anywhere. It just gets paralyzed. I've begun to be unable to imagine what our friendship would look like without the tension and awkwardness we go through periodically. I think I would love to get past it, though. Maybe that's something we can talk about - what it would look like. Maybe I wouldn't be so panicked every time he wanted to talk about something. Maybe I wouldn't be so hurt when he teased me even a little. Maybe I could tease him without being so mean. But those are little things. what are the big things that could change?

6) Have you seen other people with class privilege act out Side Effects in the communities
you are a part of? In what ways?
Yeah, often in very nitpicky ways - people who get hung up on the wording of a mission statement, or assume that the group's priorities are exactly where theirs are. It happens at smith a lot.