Things to Remember

I want to have this conversation about class. I want to have it so badly. I want to have it because our friendship matters to me. You matter to me. I want to have it because I believe that thinking about class and working on class stuff is taking me in the direction of the grownup I want to be. But that's more of an aside, because the real reason I want to have this conversation is because you matter to me. I care about you and I love you. And when you said "how come we never talk about this thing that's bothering me," I went home and started working furiously so that we could have that conversation before you left. But I don't feel safe enough to have this conversation yet.

When I say safe, I mean I don't believe that there exists a solid foundation, a baseline that will not crumble even if the conversation goes crappy. By baseline, I mean an understanding that we love and care about each other, and that's why we're having this conversation. I have been trying to imagine the best things that could come out of a conversation about class and privilege and our friendship, and I am STUCK. I can't imagine what good things might happen. I can only imagine defeat, hurt and anger right now.

In order to feel safe, I need to hear from you what you imagine. I need to hear why you are willing to slog through all this difficult, messy hard stuff. I need you to take me seriously, and I need you to be explicit, and to spell it out. You don't have to say exactly what I said. But I need to know that the baseline exists. Otherwise, I can't have this conversation.