what i would do with $3000 - part II

I re-read a few of Davey's old blog posts with "class" tags. Re-reading these can sometimes feel like punching the site of an old bruise - I remember when it hurt so much, just to read them, and re-reading them hurts too, just not as deep or as long. Anyway, here's something I wrote in response to his question: What would you do if $3000 dropped out of the sky and into your bank account?

"If I had $3000 that really came out of nowhere, I'd push myself really hard to not hoard it, and to donate at least half of it to places like Jewcy or the FabAppColl. I have a tendency to want to keep money in the bank for when I "really need it". Here in Europe, I'm feeling some anxiety over the fact that I can't really make money while I'm here, and so I'm just depleting from my savings all the time. I keep having to tell myself that I *have* the privilege of financial security, and that if there ever is a *real* emergency, my parents *can* help, if not bail me out completely in a number of ways. Something I would probably do is buy a new/used bike, since mine got stolen last summer, and it's easier to get around with a bike than with just feet."

Parts of this are so incredibly untrue. I know this because a whole lot of money dropped out of the sky when I graduated from college (more than $3000), and I have not donated a significant portion of it to anywhere. This is in part because I'm about to move across the country and I have no job. The parts that remain true are the desire to hoard, and the bit about my parents being able to bail me out.

I keep telling myself that once I get settled, once I have a job and a place to live for the next few years, then I can start settling into the financial grownup I want to be. But honestly? This month, I've made some money, but not as much as I've spent, and I haven't paid very much attention to how much I've spent. Okay, that's not true. I have. But I have spent a whole lot on things I didn't need, like food treats (eating out, etc), and driving when I didn't have to.

This month is different: I'm living in a college dorm again, and working full+ time (one day off a week, and the rest I'm on 24/7). My food is basically paid for, except I know I'll supplement it with stuff I cook myself (the dining halls are pretty awful). No rent, no bills, just laundry, gas and extras.

And next month will be different still, with all the travelling. But what can I keep doing? What can remain consistent as I move through these different months? Where is that bottom line, that essential core of financial practices that I can consistently maintain?

Homework for another day...